Well, it looks like something went wrong with the server, because I not only lost the last few entries here, but I also lost a whole album from my photo gallery. So, whatever *shrug*.
I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. The whole thing has been easy as pie…I haven’t even broken into my painkillers yet. I’ve just been taking 600mg Ibuprofen and 200mg Tylenol and that has taken care of any discomfort. I didn’t even swell up that much…I mean yeah I had a little bit of tenderness, but I didn’t blow up like alot of people I know. So overall, it wasn’t a bad experience.
The countdown has begun. It’s already July (how did that happen?) and my family is starting to realize that I’m not going to be here every day anymore after August 24th. It’s difficult for both them and me, because I’m trying to help them realize that I’m not leaving forever, and that I’m not going to forget them, that I’m not trying to escape them, that I need to do this. And I’m trying to spend time with them, but not so much that it begins to feel like we’re overcompensating. Paradoxically, they’re trying so hard to get me to spend more and more time with them that I’m starting to feel pressured to do so, and I’d rather spend time with them by my own choice. It’s a catch-22 really, because I want to spend time with them but because they’re pushing me so hard to, I almost don’t want to sometimes, even though I really do. I guess every child goes through this when they move out for the first time, so it would be self-centered of me to feel like this is an experience exclusive to me and my situation. But sometimes I feel that way.
This feeling is only further exascerbated by the fact that I’m missing my cousin’s baby shower on the 16th because that’s the weekend that Nick is going to be here. How this happened was completely out of my control. We have had this planned since about a month ago, and originally the baby shower was supposed to be the next weekend, but plans changed and the date was moved up. I mean obviously I’m going to forego the baby shower because plane tickets are expensive and I don’t want to just leave him here when the sole purpose of this visit is to see me. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous in feeling that way. But now there’s an undercurrent of disproval surrounding this decision. I’m being made to feel like I’m choosing Nick over family even though I’m “moving out to be with him” (which is not the whole reason why I’m leaving…I am going to college too). I have put my family first for 21 years, and still do, but the moment I don’t it’s like I’m being guilted into feeling like I should. I’m sad that I can’t go and spend time with everyone, but it just isn’t going to work out. If this had stayed where it was originally scheduled, this wouldn’t be an issue, and I’d be happy to go. It’s not like I don’t want to go. The circumstances just suck.
I shouldn’t feel like I have to choose between Nick and my family.